:::: PD INTERVIEW :: BONNIE PRINCE BILLY - LIFE AND OTHER PUZZLES ::.

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy Belgrade, SKC, Serbia 20.06.2008. PD • How did you change during the past years? BPB • [laughs] PD • What would you say changed the most in your character, in your relationship with the music? BPB • Wow. [While considering his answer, he notices a girl in eccentric blue gloves passing by] Look at her gloves! I think the main thing is – from living on the outside of music to living on the inside of it. PD • What would that mean? BPB • The extreme of being inside of it is [to be] feeling only musically responsible not humanly responsible. PD • So you live recklessly outside of music? BPB • At times, yeah. PD • You always deliberately embraced the dark side of you, whatever that is, and people hold onto that. BPB • I see this 'confronting your demons', like you want to come out as a winner in this encounter... Yes, to be the winner and by bringing this up also finding other people who have it in common. PD • It's a not depressing, selfpitying kind of feeling, I would say... BPB • Yeah, yeah, you're right. PD • What is in 'a darkness' you saw? BPB • In making music, in 'I See A Darkness' for example, there's a certain amount of trying... not to escape, but to deny, or try to embrace something that you know is not necessary pervasive loneliness. And because you sense it's not necessary. And when it is to some extent only temporary, which it may be, that's proven correct. It seems there's a responsibility to recognize and respect that. And also to sing in a way and about strength just as there is weakness. PD • Loneliness vs. solitude? Is it something you chose, or something you're left off feeling? BPB • I think that ultimately you chose. But it's sometimes too hurtful for us to understand that we have that power of choice. PD • Then, where is the salvation for a human soul? Is it in love, friendship, God, is there such thing as salvation? BPB • I would guess that it's in having values and continuing to pursue and respect those values. Like, for some people, some kinds of love, or some kinds of friendship don't necessarily mean anything, it doesn't mean that they don't have access to some type of personal salvation. We also become different people. I mean, we can, but not everybody wants to. Do you want to be somebody different you were 15 years ago? Are you the same person you were 15 years ago? PD • Do you allow people to change you or is it something you do by yourself? BPB • That's what's scary. Love, sometimes, is knowing that someone is going to change you. PD • Do you consciously, deliberately let it change you, or it just happens, you find it under your skin? BPB • You have to deliberately let it in under your skin. cause you know it will happen, IT HAPPENS, and you can even see it happening sometimes, and that's when it's really scary. And you can't just one day give in, because you know you're giving in constantly. PD • Your different monikers, are they related to the fact that a part of you wants to be an actor in life, living through different personalities? BPB • I think they relate to the fact that I'm not sure, but I feel like character I was born with is proper for expressing all the things I would like to be part of expressing. That's what I think about acting – it gives you the opportunity to take certain parts of yourself in order to participate in certain action or convey certain emotion. In music it can be that same thing. PD • On your latest album you talked a lot about the family, about the relations within the family, and one of the most moving songs 'Missing One' is, I would guess, about your father, am I right? BPB • Oh, yes, that's right. The original family (mother, father, siblings, cousins) is super important, and I feel it expanded to include certain friends, colleagues. Lot of people have the concept of friendship that I didn't have growing up. It wasn't until I was an adult that I started to have long-lasting friendships, so those seem to me like a family thing, while others more experienced may see it just like friendship, not like a family thing. For me it's a large enough and strong enough community where it feels safe to make mistakes... PD • And to know that you'll be forgiven? BPB • Yeah, or even, not necessarily forgiven, just accepted. Because you can't forgive people necessarily, you shouldn't forgive people for doing bad things, but if they are your family, you should accept it. PD • Now that you mentioned forgiveness, that leads me to another theme on your album Lie Down In Light – the concept of God, religion, belief... What is it for you? BPB • I figure that religion is a good place to see where other people yield, where other people give up their own control, their own understanding, just to see how other people do it. Because we' re not smart enough to with any authority be able to either write or transcribe or even properly tend to and respect some of these religious texts that are the foundation for the social religions that we have. It doesn't seem that there's room for agnosticism, as well as for belief as a bottom line, 'cause there is no thing that can be modified by your belief. PD • What kind of emotion is then faith? Comforting, soothing, anchoring, challenging? BPB • No. The best part about it is that it is everything including and especially everything out of your sight, everything out of your language, everything out of your control. It is comfort, but not in a way to make you smile, or make you feel safe, but comfort in maybe just feeling temporary or small. PD • So then death, like in your music, is not the end of things, but some kind of station? BPB • Yeah, that's right. PD • Now seems to be the right time to ask you about Johnny Cash... BPB • Well, I was worried cause I'd seen him play 11, 12 years before, and it was an amazing show but even then I thought – this is not a healthy looking person. Then I heard and read in the papers about his health problems so I thought – I'm gonna brace myself when I meet this man and see somebody that I feel maybe sad about. Like when you visit a grandparent who's dying. I thought this is going to be very interesting experience meeting this person who was once such a force and then immediately upon shaking his hand, it was all gone, because he was so strong, so full of generosity and beauty. His life was always very public. He and his wife were always so active and generous – that's frightening [laughs], but otherwise, knowing that his kindness, and his devotion, and his faith, were so strong because he very actively always embodied his weaknesses, his evil urges and such. PD • What is the life's greatest miracle you witnessed so far? BPB • Hmm, just life itself. PD • So you love life? BPB • Yeah. PD • Trouble, death, loneliness, suffering are actually there to acknowledge life, right? BPB • Yes, exactly. Not saying that it's good but it's still wondrous. PD • Your forthcoming greatest challenge? BPB • Oh, so many. Personal, musical, physical... Making it to another show, for one. Touring is really hard. And also making records is really hard [laughs]. Sometimes I think it would be really nice not to do those things, but then I worry that I would be suicidal if I didn't do those things. Maybe if I had a bunch of kids, that would take the place. PD • I wish you that... Just as I was wondering what would you do if you wanted to rest from making or playing music... BPB • If I had a bunch of kids... PD • What do you expect from other people? Are we allowed to have expectations? BPB • We're only allowed to have expectations if we are willing to participate in helping that person fulfilling those expectations. Basically you have to make the decision – if you're gonna be invested in that way emotionally, you're making a commitment to be participatory in that. If you want somebody to change their tiny or their huge behavior, if you really want that, then you have to say I'm giving up this part of my life for that person to do that. If that's not okay with you, then you need to get away from them. PD • Can solitude be the part of that decision, if you don't want to be bothered with other people, because they consume so much energy all the time? BPB • Yeah, ideally you would be getting away from that in order to be in the position of strength, or perspective, or whatever it is you need, as long as it's not 'I wish that I was still around these people.' PD • About geography... You moved a lot, and then you tour a lot. Do you need a safe place to go back every time or 'wherever you lay your hat, that's your home'? BPB • I don't know. I feel at home at so many places. But I also know that right now I still have some family in Kentucky and I have a house there with my things in it. So, if I feel at home here is it only because that also exists [over there]? To me sometimes it feels like we could make a decision based on our entire situation today, make a statement like 'I could just drop everything and move to Belgrade right now', but can I only say that because it's completely unrealistic. I can only feel confident in saying that because it could not happen right now, and the amount of work that would go into it – destruction and reconstruction would have to occur for that to happen. But in what I do, when trying to make this kind of music, I feel that it's always going to come from specific point, specific place. So with that understanding I'm trying to learn how the song can not only come from this place, but also come from someone else, in order to reach somebody else. And that's what being in different places with different people is about – what else is there besides what I know? I'm always trying to learn what else is there besides my point of view and my experience. PD • So, is home something you carry around like a feeling, or is it something very specific, like a tree in front of your house, your favorite stuff, sunny day on your porch – what are the things that make you feel like home? BPB • The things that make me feel like home is sense of freedom. So sometimes I'll just find if I check into a motel room in Kansas that, strangely enough, I feel at home. For some people it's a specific tree, or specific bed, or specific cup of coffee, or specific voice, but I find that for me it isn't that. It is new. It is a tree, or bed... like we were stuck in traffic yesterday – it was so great, just sitting there, legs stacked out of the window, reading, the sun and these trees, it was beautiful, I thought I wouldn't mind if it went on for hours, and hours, and hours... And I felt at home. PD • So what is freedom for you? BPB • It's not being pushed to always do things that you're unhappy doing or that you can't do and remain recognizable to yourself. That's base level freedom that most people refer to, but it gets expanded and distorted. When people feel repressed, whether politically or very closely personally, it's because you feel these forces are always acting on you, keeping you from being someone that you recognize, someone that can make a small or strong or big decision. Because you always feel like everything is being moved, pushed and perverted by these other forces that shouldn't be there. PD • Is a sense of freedom matter of intuition or you have to know yourself to be able to acquire it? BPB • I think you have to know yourself in order to be free, but you don't have to know yourself in order to know that you want to be free. PD • It' s a long journey... BPB • Yeah, it can be. PD • I assume that a part of the freedom we talked about is your ever changing band... On every tour you choose different people to play with. Do you like to improvise that much or... BPB • Yes that, and also the idea of creating every day and I figure that by playing with different musicians I'm always learning, it's like taking school with you. At the end of the day the show is great, good, okay, bad, and there are always new reasons why, audience as well is a huge part of that. PD • And who is your audience? BPB • I believe the past, present and future all being one thing, so I feel like the audience was, is and will be also. Another reason for coming here as opposed to just staying in Kentucky, or wherever, is knowing that at some level, I hope, I feel like I wouldn't want the audience in one place to be huge, but to find people everywhere. Because making these records is about seeking out specific ideas and specific emotions that aren't necessarily universal, but I find for me are really necessary and I know there are other people who are going to share some of these ideas and what's essential. And one reason that there is light these days in the years of making records is because of the people that I've seen and met feel like such a strong and good community. We play a lot of shows in both small places and larger cities, and usually I used to know everyone in the audience, and now I don't – if it's legal there are kids on the show, also old folks, and it's great. PD • So how come you wanted to play here, we heard it was your specific wish to tour the Balkans... BPB • Maybe six or seven years ago, I can't remember, we played in Zagreb and it was so great. Ljubljana was nice, but I had more fun in Zagreb. So, part of it is wanting to learn who finds music and how, and I felt the lesson's gonna be really strong coming here. PD • Do you feel that history is more important here than maybe in some other parts of the world? Because I feel like we are wrapped up in history most of the time, like stuck in it, not being able to move forward... BPB • Right, exactly. I guess history can be a force that inhibits our sense of freedom. Someone sent me a text yesterday asking, 'How's it going?' I said, 'We had some intensive travel, but we start to have more regular days now and Serbia is beautiful.' And the person wrote back saying, 'I'm sure it's beautiful and full of racial hatred, fascists and intolerance...' [pauses as he expects my reaction, then we both laugh]...and I thought there's probably lots of different kinds of people as well. I'm always trying to pick up small pieces and figure what is going on, who are we around, how much kindness is there, who's controlling our identity. Reakcija's gig gallery is [here] (c) 2008. text Svetlana Đolović, pop depresija, photo Reakcija NIJE DOZVOLJENO KORIŠĆENJE TEKSTA I SLIKA BEZ DOZVOLE